Happy February AKA the month of love! Despite what the stores and social media try to force, this month of love ain’t just for my peeps in relationships. Singles can celebrate this month just as hard by showing love to themselves and to those dope people in their lives.
Remember, relationship or not, self-love is a vibe. Never let anyone tell you differently. YOU ARE YOU, and that’s your power. On that note, let me also show MAD LOVE to all my melanin-enriched people as we celebrate Black History Month. Yeah, February is our month! It is the month that the US recognizes the hard-won milestones of black individuals in this country. Though it’s nice to be recognized in February, don’t get it twisted. We celebrate loving the skin we are in all 365 (366 this year)!
Anyways, let’s talk about why dating in our 20s can be a complicated vibe.
#WHATAREWE
Have you ever really been feeling someone, but you don’t know what kind of vibes you all are on? Like are they feeling me like I’m feeling them? Or do they know I want more than a friendship? Maybe even, I am feeling them, but nah, I ain’t ready for a relationship. Yes? Well, me too. I feel like I have been on both ends of those kinds of feelings, and it can be so hard to really figure out what you want, let alone what you may want from another individual. But then here comes that social media pressure of trying to rush to figure things out for the sake of #relationshipgoals.
#RELATIONSHIPGOALS
I see relationship tweets and cute relationships pictures that make me think, “aww, that’s cute.” Or even seeing those cute little flipagrams filled with a cute couple showing love, then I get all in my feelings. But just as soon as I get in my feelings, I snap back to reality and realize there is more to relationships than just the pictures and good times. Plus, let’s be real. Couples are only gonna post their highlight reel cause who wants people to see them and their partner going through a rough time in their relationship? No one. Exactly.
In other words, everything that glitters ain’t gold and even gold doesn’t glitter all the time, it gets dirty. With this in mind, I think now, a week before Valentine’s Day, is a great time to be real about relationships in our “we just talking for 1 year” or “friends with benefits” or “you mine but not really cause ain’t no title” culture. So let’s get it!
Now, I could have just told y’all what I thought, but I decided why not ask other people what they felt about dating in our 20s. So, not only did I think about some reasons, but I also posted the question on my Instagram story (follow me at @ekai.la) and hit people up to ask them their thoughts on the topic. Overall, a lot of their thoughts lined up with what I thought as well, so check it out:
The question I asked was why do you think dating in our 20s is a complicated vibe, and here’s their responses:
This guy definitely gave me a good break down point-by-point, so I just had to share it all!
Now here’s my reasons along with responses from more people that I felt we was on the same thinking wave.
Here SOME reasons dating in our 20s can be a complicated vibe:
1. We are young and still trying to figure ourselves out.
I don’t know about y’all, but I am so indecisive. One minute I want a relationship and to be all boo’d up *cue up Ella Mai* then another minute I’m just like sike nah, leave me alone lol. I am still trying to figure things out a day at a time and accomplish the goals I have set for myself. I think dating someone could possibly get in the way for me because when I’m all in for somebody, I’m all in and sometimes end up putting myself last.
Also, I am still learning the necessary balance between showing love to people and loving myself. I won’t put my goals to the side to take on my significant other’s goals, especially when we aren’t married. I’m gonna always support my love, but I also got to work towards my goals. We are young, and I am stuck between Good job K and Nah K, go harder!
2. We lack emotional maturity and love to joke about our toxic traits.
You ever heard someone says,” that’s just the way I am?” Nah, sis, that’s just the way you choose to be. After some needed self-reflection, I really did not realize how many toxic traits I had that would damage potential relationships if not handled. For one, I struggled with being real about my feelings, especially when being real meant being vulnerable about my feelings.
I never realized how much I internalized things and censored myself until I actually went to counseling and recognized situations where I had done so. I legit would mentally say, “bet” and then become hella passive-aggressive towards my guy, literally mentally checking out. If he asked me what was wrong, I’d just say, “nothing” and not talk about it knowing that something really was wrong and bothering me. I thought that by not yelling at him, arguing with him, or putting my hands on him like some of these females do, that I wasn’t toxic, but I was wrong.
Side note: Ladies, don’t go around putting your hands on guys. It ain’t cute, and it invites hands on you. And don’t talk about he ain’t supposed to hit you when you slapping him. Both of you should keep your hands to yourself. Side note over, back to our regularly scheduled program.
I have learned that being passive-aggressive and lying about my feelings is not how you communicate with someone you love/care about. I learned to be completely honest with them, especially during those harder, more uncomfortable conversations. Keep it real. It pays off.
3. We are out here living for likes, but longing for love.
Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted, and some people in our generation will do anything to get the love they long for. They even act like they are in a happy relationship, instead of them doing what’s necessary to actually be in a happy, healthy relationship. They do so knowing full well that it’s a fake! Everyone wants that kind of relationship that you can post, and people drop #goals under your picture.
Still, no one wants to talk about how we try so hard for acceptance and love, but never really want to put in the work for relationships. We put certain expectations on our significant others to fill areas in our life that have voids. But the thing is the love we are longing for could never be satisfied by another human. Instead, only God’s love followed by self-love, then love for others can fill those voids. But we will leave that conversation for another post.
#THINGSJUSTGOTREAL
As we know, relationships aren’t easy because stuff gets REAL. We are talking about being there for someone during their highs and lows, when everything is beautiful flowers and during their storms. When things hit the fan, and emotional trauma that your partner may have experienced starts to show, being there to help them cope in a healthy way. Relationships include respecting each other even when you don’t like each other in the middle of an argument.
Let’s not be in such a rush to be in a relationship that we don’t deal with our own issues first. It’s just as okay to be single in your 20s and focus on your growth as it to fall in love at a young age. In other words, it’s okay to be in a relationship or single, but the key is to know and love yourself. Let’s stop focusing so much energy on finding the right one and put more energy into becoming the right one.
Add to the conversation, in the comment section below, tell me why you think dating in your 20s is/was a complicated vibe?
Thanks for Reading!
