As I was sitting on a plane waiting for takeoff, I had to, of course, capture the moment with the Snapchat filter “Catch Flights Not Feelings.” Before now, I always thought that phrase was a mood but never really gave much thought to it. Like what does catch flights not feelings mean? Maybe, less focus on relationships and more focus on traveling and making memories? If that’s the case, I’ve heard this message in so many ways recently. Since the start of the summer, so many people I admire have told me not to be so caught up with relationships that I forget to live and enjoy my young life. As a 20 something-year-old, now is the perfect time to explore and try new things outside of my comfort zone. Me being on a plane by myself made me realize that for once, I was doing something different.
Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone
I was finally venturing out of my comfort zone and allowing myself to live a little through traveling to a new state. Although this trip was not my first time on a plane or going to a different state, this trip differed from others due to the fact that I made moves by myself. I’m so used to traveling somewhere, meaning group trips with family or school. So, this summer was the perfect opportunity to travel solo and go and visit one of my best friends in St. Louis, Missouri.
I hadn’t even touched down in St. Louis yet, and I was already excited about the many memories I’d make with my friend, Mary G. (as I like to call her). Like I said before, I’m learning that my 20 somethings should be a time of curiosity and exploration. Now is the time to explore new places, things, and cultures along with surrounding myself with good vibes.
But Where He At Though?
But I’ll quickly admit my mindset wasn’t always this way. Matter of fact just three months ago, I was so focused on my emotions and being alone forever that I couldn’t see myself traveling anywhere or exploring anything new. I know I’m hella dramatic. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was on a timer when it came to finding the love of my life.
Most times, societal norms make young women feel like they are on a timer for meeting someone, dating, getting married, and creating a family with them. The time was ticking, and I thought everything was going well with this guy I dated early on in college until the relationship ended. Then there were guys that found me attractive, but I couldn’t see myself building something long term with them. Not being able to really find my person did not make sense to me because I always thought college was the perfect environment.
In college, I saw couples who had just met during our time there and seemed like they dated FOREVER get engaged and start planning their lives together after we graduated. I thought this was so cute, like #goals, and me and my friend Tiff would always joke around like bro where’s the guy we are supposed to be with at though? As college graduation was around the corner, I started to reflect on my four years and wonder if I really missed out on the opportunity to find my soulmate? Quickly, I began to think to myself, “sis, if you ain’t meet him in college, where you gonna meet him?” I thought for sure that going back home to Orlando would lessen the chance of me meeting someone and living happily ever after.
Valuable Lesson: Self-Love Sis
This summer, however, I’ve learned such a valuable lesson about self-love and happiness. But this valuable lesson came only through a major L I took this summer. Bro, I swear my best lessons were learned in moments where all I could do was learn instead of making excuses. I created this blog with the intention of seriously growing through life together, and that only happens with authenticity and transparency. In a future post, I’ll tell y’all how my own fears and self- rejection caused me to take that major L this summer. It was a blessing in disguise. Stay tuned.
Fear will have you overthinking and missing out on great opportunities, including relationships only to possibly regret it later. If you haven’t already, check out my blog post on overcoming fear. I refer back to my post on breaking up with my fears because just like some exes, fear comes back. Question is, will you allow it to do so?
So I challenge you to not allow your emotions/feelings to keep you down and living a life that you don’t enjoy. Cause one day you’ll get out ya feelings and realize that so much time was wasted on being heartbroken or allowing your emotions to control you.
With that being said, check out some of my tips that I continue to use for making the most of my 20 somethings:
1. Live a Little and Travel Somewhere. Anywhere.
Plan it out. Like, write it down! Figure out the when, where, how, and why then make moves towards making the trip happen by any means. Create a budget, request time off from work, book somewhere to stay, and look into potential activities you’d like to do in the location. Write travel goals down and actually put potential dates to things, so you can increase the chance of it being more than just talk.
Can’t afford to travel somewhere just yet? I hear you! Discover some new things right where you live.
I have a personal goal to take my time to really explore Orlando outside of the things I already know about my hometown. I think when you live somewhere for pretty much your whole life, it’s so easy to overlook the gems right in your own backyard.
I’m looking forward to trying new spots and exploring various activities in Orlando. I suggest that you try new things and places because you might just find out more about yourself and the place you call home.
2. Remember, small victories are still victories.
I go through periods where I feel like I should be further along in life than I am, but then I realized I am just 22 (a little over a month in). I have more than enough time to continue to develop and make moves towards goals I have set for myself. Remember the things you have accomplished thus far, and actually celebrate them rather than act like they are minimal.
I am a recent Saint Leo University graduate, and I know I want to pursue my Master of Social Work in the coming year. My career goal is to work with juvenile delinquents to help decrease the level of juvenile recidivism. I have recently made some significant accomplishments, including starting this blog. Sometimes, my vision of my future stops me from celebrating my small victories of now. I am remembering to celebrate each small goal I accomplish that is helping me reach my bigger goals. Even if you do some positive self-talk, like for me, I would say “sis, you did that!”
3. Don’t allow your focus to be so much on a relationship that you forget to live.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship in your 20s. If you’re in a relationship where the person genuinely treats your right and makes you happy, that’s wonderful! But, if you’re not in a relationship, don’t be so focused on getting into one that you don’t enjoy your life now. I know how it is to be so caught up in my feelings and emotions that I don’t allow myself to really enjoy the fun moments. I have spent so much time overthinking and wondering about potential relationships that I really was sleeping on learning about myself during my singleness.
After a rough emotional start to this summer, I decided to stop focusing on relationships and focus on bettering myself and enjoying this life (YOLO). I started to focus on things I love doing, like writing, taking pictures, and making memories with my family and friends. When it comes to relationships, I’ve really adopted the “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be” approach.
However, I’m not going to sit here and act like my emotions don’t get the best of me sometimes. At times, I move with my heart instead of my head, which isn’t always a great decision. But, I am learning to let things be.
For now, I choose to enjoy being a 20 something year old that continues to step out of my comfort zone as I continue to have a self-care state of mind. Always remember, self-care is a necessity, not a luxury.
What are some hard lessons that you have learned this summer? Put it down in the comments below!
